The
Usual Suspects |
C.J.
Crowe |
 |
| Position: |
Ring Leader |
| Age: |
Older than Moses, but younger than dirt |
| Sex: |
Yes, Payment in advance, please |
| Modus Operandi: |
In addition to being the ring leader of the Do or Die crime
family, Crowe has been subverting the minds of unsuspecting
citizens both old and young under the guise of teaching theatre
for twenty years. She has also directed for several
local community theatres. Crowe's writing credits include
writing for the now-defunct (not because of her scripts honest)
Ontario Renaissance Festival, a full-length play entitled
Real to Reel, myriad grocery lists and long, pointless
emails to friends and family. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Between victims, Crowe enjoys reading Shakespeare to her
two adorable, affectionate, loving and oh-so-stupid greyhounds,
Booger and Shithead. |
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| Sid Curl |
| Position: |
Enforcer |
 |
| Age: |
Early Cenezoic |
| Sex: |
Been awhile, are you offering? |
| Modus Operandi: |
Curl's crime spree with the Family began four years ago.
His roles have run the gamut from drunken Santa to drunken
prospector. OK, it's not a long gamut to run.
His forty year theatrical career includes not only acting,
but direction, design and building for shows up and down the
east coast. Sid was Master Carpenter at the Vineyard
Playhouse in Martha's Vineyard and Technical Designer for
the Gallery Theatre in Ahoskie, NC. Sid has also appeared
in many dinner theatres in the Washington/Baltimore area,
including The Harlequin Theatre, the Lazy Susan Dinner, the
Source Theatre and Horizons Theatre. A million voices
run through his head, so there is always a different character
about to explode in a Do or Die production. Sid hopes
to involve you in the mayhem soon. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Hobbies? Hobbies? We don't need no stinkin'
hobbies. |
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| Randy Dalmas |
| Position: |
Wiseguy |
 |
| Age: |
I'm taking the fifth - and drinking it |
| Sex: |
Hey, don't give the wife any ideas! |
| Modus Operandi: |
It'll take an FBI investigation to determine how long Randy
has been working for the Crowe family. He appears between
stints in the Big House (aka the MD Renaissance Festival)
and as a ghost tour guide along the waterfront of Fells Point.
Randy's recent credits include directing at Spotlighter's
Theater in Baltimore, and appearing in productions as diverse
as Neil Simon's The Odd Couple and Shakespeare's Macbeth.
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| Hobbies/Interests: |
Between reading history books and preparing his own defense,
Randy enjoys high-speed motorcycle chases, ladies roller derby
matches, and housekeeping (because it gives him a chance to
wear his french maid costume). |
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| José de la Mar |
| Position: |
El Teniente |
 |
| Age: |
Of Aquarius |
| Sex: |
Drugs and Rock and Roll |
| Modus Operandi: |
de la Mar means of the sea in Spanish.
In ancient Mayan, José means chicken. Along with
his role as a core member of Do or Die, José has acted
with 2nd Star Productions, Bowie Community Theatre, Musical
Artists Theatre, Baltimore Children's Theatre and Twin Beach
Players. In short, he has been around the block so many
times he's worn a groove in it. His direction credits
include Do or Die Productions, Children's Theatre of Annapolis,
Baltimore Children's Theatre, Merely Players and how to find
your local 7-11. His favorite direction is south. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Time not devoted to murder and mayhem is spent
hatching plots to take over the world using subliminal (you
want me to rule the world) suggestions in (submit to my will)
webpage bios. |
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| Brad Howard |
| Position: |
Mouthpiece |
 |
| Age: |
It doesn't matter, right? That's what they
say and they wouldn't lie, would they? Who are they
anyway and why do they say these things? I think they're monitoring
my thoughts...What were we talking about? |
| Sex: |
That's that whole Tab A into Slot B thing,
right? |
| Modus Operandi: |
From murderous pirate to, well, just plain murderous.
Brad stepped off the musical stage and out of the role of
Captain Fletcher Moone as part of the world renowned (at least
in their world) Pyrates Royale to play everything
from victimized Santa to lecherous crime family boss for Do
or Die. Brad is also infamous for a hot strip-tease
number while portraying G. Gordon Liddy in Watergate!
The Musical. Answering once and for all that age
old question: Is that a stripe on your pocket or are
you just happy to see me? |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
When not bringing pandemonium to the high seas with his
cohorts in the Pyrates Royale or plotting mayhem with Do or
Die, Brad enjoys soft music, candlelight, duct tape and buying
a cheap bottle of chianti, forcing himself to drink it and,
sadly, inevitably, taking advantage of himself. |
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| John Kelso |
| Position: |
Thug |
 |
| Age: |
Like a fine wine (lots of sediment at the bottom) |
| Sex: |
Take a number. I'll try to get to all your requests. |
| Modus Operandi: |
Yada, yada yada, John's done theatre...yada, yada, yada,
Spotlighters...yada, yada, yada, Maryland Renaissance Festival.
John firmly believes that the biographical portion of any
theatre program sucks and nobody ever really reads it.
He challenges everyone who reads this to prove him wrong by
giving him a dollar. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Between crime sprees, John enjoys getting in touch with
his feminine side by knitting, long walks off short piers,
and studying the growth patterns of grass.
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| Patrick McPartlin |
| Position: |
Lieutenant |
 |
| Age: |
Before Beauty |
| Sex: |
Yes, and he saves the receipts. |
| Modus Operandi: |
McPartlin is a summa cum laude graduate of the School of
Hard Knocks, where he majored in minors (not that kind of
minor - that's disgusting!). Relatively new to the theatre
scene, McPartlin has certainly made a splash. Not only
is he a core member of the Do or Die crime family, he has
appeared in several local commercials, myriad shows at the
Chesapeake Arts Center and recently made his debut at Spotlighters
Theatre in Baltimore. He can be seen in local movie
theatres usually sitting in the back row loudly munching on
popcorn. McPartlin's writing credentials don't even include
writing this stinking bio. We're not really even sure
if Pat knows how to write. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Pat's main source of entertainment outside his life of crime
is spilling martinis, preferably on C.J.'s husband, Scott.
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| Brian Morton |
| Position: |
Page 67 of the Kama Sutra, illustration #3 |
 |
| Age: |
Waiting until they cut me open to count the rings |
| Sex: |
Mine is bigger. |
| Modus Operandi: |
Born a poor black child in Chicago, Brian has matured gracefully
into being a poor black adult. He compensates for this by
playing lots of Latino characters, including professional
liar Diego Natividad de la Estafa ("Dinty," The Moor) at the
Maryland Renaissance Festival and Virgilio "Villo" Gonzalez,
singing, juggling Cuban Watergate burglar in Watergate! The
Musical. After portraying an honest law enforcement officer
and a crooked law enforcement officer for Do or Die, he hopes
to stretch in his next role, and play a poor white man. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Due to a childhood diet of thin gruel and rainwater, Brian
took up the art of legerdemain in hopes of "getting
girls." This has led to a journalism career, which has culminated
to the glorious apex of having to write his own sorry bio
for his third-rate acting career. House arrest is starting
to look better and better. |
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| Darcy Nair |
| Position: |
I'm just here for the food |
 |
| Age: |
Old enough, so shaddup and keep pouring |
| Sex: |
If you had a shred of decency, you'd let me finish my coffee
first |
| Modus Operandi: |
New to this troupe of miscreants, but not at all new to
the "art" of dressing funny and pretending to be someone else,
Darcy has played 2 roles for Do or Die: Mrs. Claus and a crazy
musician, her favorite character to date.One may very well
suspect typecasting, as she spends an unhealthy amount of
her time making music while dressed as a pirate. Her performing
resume spans more than 20 years and includes Comedy Sportz,
the Maryland Renaissance Festival, and that one coffeehouse
that never turns anyone away. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
When not making the world safe for crime and folk music,
Darcy likes to yell at drunks, rude drivers, and stupid people,
which covers just about everyone living in the DC Metro area.
So she's pretty busy. |
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| Fred Nelson |
| Position: |
Warm body |
 |
| Age: |
Advanced |
| Sex: |
Refuse to be the first person in the history of this website
to answer that question seriously. |
| Modus Operandi: |
Delighted to be the new kid on the block in anyaspect
of his life, Nelson has appeared in more than 100 stage and
TV productions on both sides of the world. Every fall, he
joins fellow DOD castmates Brad Howard and Cybele Pomeroy
in performing at the Maryland Renaissance Festival, where
he plays the King. Fred is a successful freelance video editor
whose work appears nearly every week nationally on PBS, TLC,
BBC, and PDQ. He grew up a military brat in Cuba, Spain, Korea,
and Guam, and moved to the U.S. 9 years ago |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Writing his own damn bio but referring to himself
in the third person in a transparent attempt to make it look
as if he's so important that someone else wrote it for him
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| Cybele Pomeroy |
| Position: |
Lieutenant |
 |
| Age: |
Unknown (Those who ask tend to have unfortunate....accidents) |
| Sex: |
Yes, but down boys....only with her husband. |
| Modus Operandi: |
Pomeroy has been killing and being killed for C.J. Crowe
for sixteen years. All the blood that's been shed between
them is zesty mint flavored. Though Cybele enjoys a
variety of character types, she specializes in stupidity.
Her favorite roles are cinnamon, egg and onion. Her
writing credentials include several Do or Die Mysteries, View
Thru Quarter Pane, which was entered in the Baltimore
Playwrights Festival, and Watergate! The Musical.
She is also a former bored...ahem...board member
for the Maryland Writers Association. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
When not involved in nefarious activities, Pomeroy enjoys
knitting, driving around topless and providing psychological
counseling to house plants. |
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| Jessica Schaub Phillips |
| Position: |
Femme Fatale |
 |
| Age: |
Almost dry behind the ears |
| Sex: |
At least once...and I have the kid to prove it. |
| Modus Operandi: |
Jess discovered she loved performing at age three when she
would recite all the words and lyrics to the Annie movie to
anyone who would pay attention to her. Twenty years
later, this trait has gotten a little annoying. Jess
particularly loves musical theatre and has appeared in The
Will Rogers' Follies, Into the Woods, 42nd Street, Once Upon
A Mattress, Watergate! the Musical, and Nunsense I and II.
Of the recent birth of her daughter Cameron, Phillips has
this to say: "Have you ever tried passing a watermelon
through your left nostril?" So, after a brief hiatus
to drop the kid and pay lip-service to the role of wife to
husband Justin, Phillips is back on the scene, guns blazing…well,
actually not…she's blond….we don't let her handle
guns. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
When not shedding blood in the theatres of Maryland, Jess
is pursuing her life-long goal of translating the words and
lyrics of the Movie Annie into all languages; living and dead.
Currently she is working on the Bantu tribal language.
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| Ashlyn Thompson |
| Position: |
Moll |
 |
| Age: |
16 (Never too young for a life of crime !!!) |
| Sex: |
Not that she admits to us |
| Modus Operandi: |
When Ashlyn isn't training on the fine art of dying, she
attends Patapsco High School and Center for the Performing
Arts as a theatre student, the class of 2007. She is
a member of the Jr. National Honor Society, the National Honor
Society, the International Thespian Society and WPHS, the
morning news team of PHS. [editor's note: Sounds like
a goody-goody two shoes, eh? Not so my friends, not
so] She began in 2002 in the role of Mechanico in Raggedy
Ann and Andy (thanks to José) and has quickly
graduated to leading roles in The Women and As
You Like It. The versatile little chicklet has
even managed the roles of assistant stage manager and assistant
director. After graduation, Ashlyn intends to go to
college and continue her studies in cynicism, skepticism and
sarcasm begun under the tutelage of José and C.J. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
As a respite from criminal pursuits, Ashlyn enjoys creating
lipstick art on human heads and training her mix-breed Miniature
Pinscher/Chihuahua to bite C.J.'s greyhounds. |
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| Matt Wetzel |
| Position: |
Mule |
 |
| Age: |
Of Consent |
| Sex: |
I think I know what to do. |
| Modus Operandi: |
When Matt first met C.J., she told him he was a pig.
He was a bit taken aback until he realized that he had been
cast as "Blue Boy" the prize pig in State Fair.
The singing and dancing swine then went on to be a "Bell
hop" in Watergate! the Musical. But it
was his portrayal of "Colin" in Real to Reel
that cemented his fate. From then on, he was cast as
"Colin" in Do or Die shows…doesn't matter
what the character is like, if Matt is playing it, the name
is "Colin". Matt thanks C.J. for "everything"
she's taught him (Matt's mother, however, doesn’'t).
His life has been "touched" by her presence. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
When not playing Colin in a mystery show, Matt enjoys trying
to get middle aged women to spank him and putting pointless
quotation marks in bios.
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| Tom Wetzel |
| Position: |
Hit Man |
 |
| Age: |
Less |
| Sex: |
Less |
| Modus Operandi: |
Tom's theater debut was in 2004 as the Narrator, the Mysterious
Man, and Cinderella's Father in Into the Woods at
Chesapeake Arts Center, where his multiple personality disorder
came in very handy. Tom has also played Mr. Beaver (don't
go there) in Narnia and, Smaug the dragon, in The
Hobbit. He is a new convert to the Do or Die murder for
profit credo, and is enjoying the carnage. Tom's truly
favorite roles are "husband" to Kelly, and "father"
to Thomas and Mathew. [editor's note: cough...hack...choke....now
I need an insulin shot]. |
| Hobbies/Interests: |
Well, duh...didn't you read the modus operandi? Husband
to Kelly and father to Thomas and Mathew is a full time gig…we
hear his wife is a recovering crack whore...
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